December 8, 2021

I love that this moment is the beginning. It has to start somewhere.  Whether that beginning was an explosion of atoms eons ago or this moment, it doesn’t really matter, for each moment is the beginning of something.

In this moment, everything has culminated to this.  To sitting completely contentedly by an electric fireplace of my AirBnB.  I am alone, but not lonely.  I feel fulfilled and in Gratitude. 

I have been listening to lots of podcasts lately that have to do with neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to create new pathways and links, and that gratitude is the ultimate way of reshaping the brain.  I believe it to be true.  In this moment, I feel so present and at ease in myself, my journey, the world I have created around me.  Today is the first day of my Okeefenokee journey and my whole life has prepared me for it.

I am scared to go.  It’s going to be 30 F at night, the darkness sets as the sun goes down, early, about 5:30pm.  It is super remote.  One of the most remote places I have every visited: far, wild, deep quiet, nothing but the twinkle of stars and the splash of the paddle to keep you company. 

I feel afraid, but I feel ready.

I feel afraid to face the wild on my own, the fear of alligators and boars, of wild things lurking in the shadows is real.  I will need to paddle 7 miles to the platform where I will sleep surrounded by nothing but stars, and nature, and crickets and I wonder, will I be able to make it? What it will be like to paddle 7 miles alone.  But I am strong. I worry about being a female alone in such a remote place. But I am smart and aware. If someone approaches, I will quiet them and tell them my boyfriend is resting in the tent, they need not know the truth. I worry about the biting cold, but I have a thick sleeping bag and an electric jacket. I have thought through each item I will bring, each wrapped tightly in zip lock bags in case they come into contact with water. I have measured out food and resources. I have enough. I feel afraid, but I feel ready. 

I have reserved 2 nights in the remote reaches of the Okeefenokee and know that I have given myself permission to return any time I choose.  If I decide that I am complete at one night, so be it.No one is judging me, not even myself.  I am courageous in who I am and my choices.  I stand proud as a result of all womens’ movements.  I will not disappoint them. 

I am here.  I am open.  I am curious.  I am afraid.  I am brave.  I am courageous.  I am.  And so, I begin the story of a woman going alone into the swamps, afraid but courageous.  She knew that if she did not go alone, she would not go, and so she chose, she chose to be brave.  Afraid but courageous, and very well prepared. That’s how this story will start.